I came across Malinda Lo’s Notes & Queeries column published on AfterEllen.com. It is truly a pleaser to hear from a fellow butch admirer. She discussed the negative view of butch womyn in the media. All points that she presented, I agreed with but couldn’t help but wonder: is it worse to be portrayed negatively or not at all?” I kept thinking to myself, at least there are images of white lesbians in the community. I can’t find a black lesbian to save my life. Being a person who likes to be about it as well as talk about it, I took it upon myself to create a wall calendar for African American butch womyn that’s done quite well but it still isn’t mainstream. I’m not trying to make the petty argument of comparing struggles. I just tend to keep track of all the work that needs to be done. I just wanted to say that I see some visibility as...well… something. It gets the ball rolling and starts the dialogue.
Lo discusses how butchness is treaded by the mainstream and expressed how irritated and offended she is by some examples. Well you think that’s bad? Try throwing a little black on top of that. Lo speaks of the latest butch “it” gyrl, Rachael Maddow. They add a touch of rosiness to her lips and cheeks as a reminder that
I recall a butch friend of mine trying to make it in the music business as a singer once told me when I asked her why she “femmed” herself up she replied,” cuz no one wants to see that shit!” She said it with such venom that she almost made me think that she didn’t want to see herself that way. Even though she always appeared butch when she wasn’t performing. She recognized the problem but chose to join them instead of trying to beat them. There’s plenty of anxiety from straights in regards to butch womyn but it s more frustrating when it comes from your own. In a recent episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens had to give make overs to some pretty masculine womyn. While I can’t make ASSumptions about their sexuality, it was clear that they picked womyn with a masculine edge for more dramatic affect. I’m sure even a femme made up like a drag queen would be as much of a spectacle. But they had to take the swagger out of these very tough womyn. And for what? So we can say “wow, u’r just like any other woman?” So what.
Gay or not a black woman who isn’t completely feminine can’t make it far in the media at all. There will not be any black Ellens or black Rachaels. Not for a while at least. Remember when Alicia Keyes first stepped on the scene? Head full of braids and a swagger to match. I saw her on Letterman talking about how she don’t do dresses and will never do them. My how times have changed. Now she looks like one of the Dreamgirls and is a bigger star than ever. Ok, that was a long time ago and people change. However, that change occurred with Queen Latifah and Eve. They didn’t seem to really get that momentum until they slapped on more Cover Girl and pumps. Sorry I can’t really present examples of black lesbians and how the media portrays them. There are no black lesbians in the media! Damn, Wanda didja lock the door behind ya when you came out? While Maddow charms her way into the mainstream and Ellen tickles her way onto the cover of O Magazine, America still has a closet full of black gays that aren’t even considering coming out. And I’m afraid that my sweet studs will be the last to make an appearance. That’s cool. The finale is always the best part of the show.
Jennifer Lighten told police that her wife was “all liquored up” when she allegedly tried to use a syringe to inseminate her, and that Stephanie had been talking about trying to impregnate her for some time. According to the police report “Jennifer said that Stephanie had a ‘turkey baster and her brother’s semen in a sealed container.’ Jennifer said she told Stephanie that she didn’t want to get pregnant.” (According to police the ‘turkey baster’ was actually a large syringe with a catheter tip.)
That’s allegedly when Stephanie threw Jennifer on the couch, grabbed at her clothes and threatened to impregnate her.
Jennifer broke free, ran into the bathroom and locked the door. When Stephanie broke the bathroom door down, she hurt her wrist in the process, and Jennifer escaped when Stephanie went to get an ice pack from the freezer. Jennifer attempted to get away in the couple’s SUV and as she tried to pull away, Stephanie jumped on the side of car and made Jennifer stop. A witness at the scene claimed Stephanie “was hanging on the SUV door handle, trying to get into the car.” Police arrived at the scene and arrested a very intoxicated Stephanie Lighten outside her home.
Police then confiscated the weapon, plus a container of semen and some aluminum foil, which was originally was used to hold the semen. Nicholas Lighten, Stephanie Lighten’s brother, was the donor, according to officers.
Jennifer Lighten and Stephanie Lighten
Happier Times at the Lighten Household
However, Pittsfield Detective Thomas H. Harrington said Jennifer Lighten declined to go forward with any charges of assault with intent to rape, because she did not believe Stephanie was going to sexually assault her with the syringe. Stephanie K. Lighten has been charged with domestic assault and battery.
She was released on personal recognizance after denying the allegations in Central Berkshire District Court last Wednesday.
Before her release, Central Berkshire District Court Judge Rita S. Koenigs cautioned Lighten to “refrain from abuse” and to return to court for an April 29 pretrial hearing. Neither of the Lighten’s has returned LGR’s requests for comments at the time of publication. Stephanie Lighten’s MySpace page is now set to private.
I confess, I never knew anything about Audre Lorde. Yes, I've heard of her before but only through the ALP and in discussions of breast cancer. But I never really looked deeper into her total life.
Being that this is Woman's History Month, I find myself exposed to all kinds of blogs and articles of notable females. For obvious reasons, I tend to focus on the lesbians of the group. This time it's Audre Lorde. Oh my goodness! Where was my head? This woman's work is so important. And I hadn’t noticed until now. Please don’t shoot me for my ignorance. I’m learning.
She is particularly important due to the fact that she brings to light the reality of being black AND lesbian. It seems that we are the last group to be recognized in society and our voices are rarely heard. We’re either lumped in with (white) gays or we have to stand with our black brothers and sisters or in some cases, we’re just womyn. Our experiences in society are overlooked by many but Audre Lorde made it a point to insist that our unique point of view is acknowledged. Here are some highlights of her life.
Audre Lorde, essayist, poet and novelist was born on February 18, 1934 in
She was politically active in civil rights, anti-war, and feminist movements. Lorde criticized feminists of the 1960s, from the National Organization for Women to Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique, for focusing on the particular experiences and values of white middle-class women. Her writings are based on the "theory of difference", the idea that the binary opposition between men and women is overly simplistic: although feminists have found it necessary to present the illusion of a solid, unified whole, the category of women itself is full of subdivisions.
Lorde identified issues of class, race, age, gender and even health — this last was added as she battled cancer in her later years — as being fundamental to the female experience. She argued that, although the gender difference has received all the focus, these other differences are also essential and must be recognized and addressed. "Lorde," it is written, "puts her emphasis on the authenticity of experience. She wants her difference acknowledged but not judged; she does not want to be subsumed into the one general category of 'woman'". In a period during which the women's movement was associated with white middle-class women, Lorde campaigned for a feminist movement conscious of both race and class.
She observes that black women's experiences are different from those of white women, and that, because the experience of the white woman is considered normative, the black woman's experiences are marginalized; similarly, the experiences of the lesbian (and, in particular, the black lesbian) are considered aberrational, not in keeping with the true heart of the feminist movement. Although they are not considered normative, Lorde argues that these experiences are nevertheless valid and feminine.
Lorde stunned white feminists with her claim that racism, sexism and homophobia were linked, all coming from the failure to recognize or inability to tolerate difference. To allow these differences to continue to function as dividers, she believed, would be to replicate the oppression of women: as long as society continues to function in binaries, with a mandatory greater and lesser, Normative and Other, women will never be free.
In the 1980s, Lorde and writer Barbara Smith founded Kitchen Table: Women of Color Press. She was also a founding member of Sisters in Support of Sisters in
Audre Lorde was professor of English at
So the Chris Brown/Rhianna story is burning up the internet, the radio and the television. While I haven’t really weighed in on the topic myself I have lurked and observed many conversations about it. It seems the the topic has sparked a small war between men and womyn. The resounding cry amongst females is that men shouldn’t hit a woman uner any circumstances. Whereas men feel like if they’re attacked or even provoked, they have a right 2 defend themselves with any amount of force. Wow. Everyone has a solid set of “rules” when it comes 2 men and womyn. But what of domestic vilolence between same sex partners?
Of course domestic violence occurs in lesbian relationships. Seems that many gays knows someone who knows someone who’s been thru it. A few brave souls will admit 2 their own participation. But for the most part, its something that isn’t discussed. We pretty much say that no one should put their hands on anyone and leave it at that. Well that’s an easy dismissal. And an unhelpful one.
The reasons why the gay community is silent on the issue of violence between partners are plenty. Lesbian victims seldom report violent incidents to the police because many fear prejudicial treatment. Also, in cases of same-sex violence, police often assume the abuse is mutual and are more likely to arrest both members of the couple. Battered women’s agencies also may not be open to serving lesbians.
A typical domestic violence shelter is prohibited from taking in a lesbian, let alone a gay man. This is because shelters are generally set up to respond to what state statutes define as domestic violence.
Same-sex couples are always excluded from obtaining a protective order in seven states (
I imagine that some of these laws will have to be amended when(if) gay marriage is legalized. But we should not have to wait for that to happen just to get the basic right of protection from harm. The domestic partner benefits that many states do allow should automatically be extended to protection from abuse. The fight that we have is not only in our homes but in society. We as a community can not be silent about a matter as important as this.
Reach out to your sisters
Raise your voices and
Reduce domestic violence
HOW TO TIE A TIE
It's commonly ASSumed that studs dress like men. Most would tell you that they're just wearing what's comfortable. In this day and age, nothing is exclusive to any gender. One item of clothing that has been taken over by the ladies is the necktie.
Surprisingly, many don't now how to tie a tie. Here's a brief tutorial about the proper way to fasten a necktie. A small detail that can have a huge impact on your outfit.
OVERVIEW
Before putting on your tie you should have your shirt buttoned up all the way to the top button and have the collar up. Starting the tying process with the wide end of the tie on the left or right side is just a matter of convention, so if you are more comfortable starting with the wide end on the left, side then start from the left. Keep the knot of the tie tight throughout the tying process.
When you are finished tying your tie put your collar down, the knot should be in the middle of your collar and the wide end of your tie should end around the middle of your belt buckle. If you don't get it right the first time simply unknot your tie and try again, tying a perfect knot on your necktie takes practice.
THE DIMPLE
A good knot should always have a dimple. The dimple is the little indentation right below the knot of your tie. A good dimple is made before you tighten the knot. You start by putting your index finger in the fabric directly under the knot while lightly squeezing the side of the fabric as you tighten the knot by pulling down on the wide end of the tie. The dimple should be centered in the middle of your knot.
Here's a list of the more popular knots. Now if you wanna get bad, you could learn other knots such as: the oriental, the kelvin, nicky or victoria knots. And even go so far to know which knots compliment which shirts. Mmmm, now that would be a true gentle-woman. Maybe I'll do a follow-up on that later. But for now, here's a brief look at the classics.
The Four-in-Hand Knot is the most popular type of necktie knot and easiest to learn, probably over 80% of tie wearers knot their ties with this. The knot is long and straight but slightly lopsided. Designed for a standard shirt collars, it is a relatively simple knot to tie and works for just about any occasion
The Windsor Knot is a wide triangular knot that is usually worn for formal occasions, this type of knot should be worn with wide spread collar shirts.It is not a good knot to use with ties of thick material, but, when well executed, is stately and elegant.
The Pratt/Shell Knot is Semi-wide knot. The knot is suitable with wool and thicker ties, and is a symmetric knot.
WEARING A TIE
· Avoid wearing clip-on ties, they are unprofessional and just plain tacky.
· The front point of your tie should be just long enough to touch the waist of your pants.
· Your tie should be darker than the color of your shirt.
· Avoid wearing ties that are too bright.
· The general width of a tie is 3.5 inches. This width will not fall out of style.
· The width of a tie should be approximately the same width of the coat's lapel, if the lapel is wide, the tie should be wide and if the lapel is narrow the tie should be narrow.
· The knot of the tie should be proportional to the collar, it should not be too big where it spreads the collar or forces it open and it shouldn't be too small that it becomes lost in the collar.
· The color of your tie should not clash with your outfit but the colors should not be so similar that they fade into the suit.
· The main color of a patterned tie should complement your suit and the secondary color should pick up your shirt.
· The texture of the tie should go with your outfit, for instance a shiny silk tie should go with a shiny silk shirt and a wool tie should be worn with a wool suit.
Follow these simple steps and add real style to your swagger!
Gladys Bentley: A Stud to Remember
I can't believe I let February pass without a bit of black history. Especially since Black History Month is slowly fading away from us. Now that racism is over *snicker*, our history is everyone's history. So now can we just makeover February into Gay Black History Month? No? Well, I'll do it anyway. I'm gonna use this space to highlight one of the most prominent black studs in history. Gladys Bentley. Actually she's the only stud I know in history. Here's HerStory:
Gladys Bentley was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on August 12, 1907. Like many African Americans of her generation she ended up in New York Citys' Harlem , the capital of "The New Negro ". For Gladys , her lesbianism made her need to strike out on her own all the more urgent. As she would recall many years later in an Ebony Magazine Article , “It seems I was born different. At least, I always thought so....From the time I can remember anything ,even as I was toddling , I never wanted a man to touch me...Soon I began to feel more comfortable in boys clothes than in dresses”.
Gladys Bentley carved out a place for herself, playing at rent parties and the legendary speakeasies of "Jungle Alley" at 133 between Lenox and Seventh Avenue. She would transform popular tunes of the day with raunchy naughty playful lyrics. Dressed in her signature tux and top hat , she openly and riotously flirted with women in the audience. Although on her recordings she did not dare have lesbian lyrics , she certainly played up this image in the clubs and in public.
Audiences of politicians, European royalty, and high society followed Black and gay customers from Greenwich Village to Harlem just to experience La Bentley from 1925 to 1940. Then McCarthyism swept the United States and Bentley's trademark lesbian act became a liability. Bentley , who for so long had been one of THE most open as regards her homosexuality , was of course a sitting duck for persecution. Out of desperate fear for her own survival( particularly with an ageing mother to support) she started wearing dresses , and sanitizing her act. In 1950 , Bentley wrote a desperate , largely fabricated article for Ebony entitled "I am Woman Again" in which she claimed to have cured her lesbianism via female hormone treatments and was finally at peace after a "hell as terrible as dope addiction". She claimed to have married a newspaper columnist named J.T. Gibson ( a man who soon after publicly denied that the two had ever wed). These desperate attempts to survive do not diminish her previous accomplishments. For many years ,on a daily basis , she took risks that would not be common until the Stonewall era. Living as a lesbian must have been hard for a Black woman at that time. Near the end of her life Bentley became a devout member of The Temple of Love in Christ. She died of influenza in 1960.
So we're finally done with the gift giving season. Tho' if you count birthdays, you know you're never done. I love to give more than receive but when I get gifts, I take them graciously. you could give me flowers, candy, jewelry and all the stereotypical things a lady likes. You can give yourself or you could make me something and I'd do back flips. You could cook for me or give me a massage and I'll swoon. But give me shoes and I go cold.
There is something about me and my shoes that should not be messed with. For one, it's not just having shoes but the act of acquiring the shoes that I find almost sacred. I love to shop for shoes. And if you buy me shoes, I feel robbed of that experience. Going to the store and going thru aisle after aisle of shoes is like meditating. It puts me at a place of peace. Even if I know what kind of shoe I'm looking for, I always leave the door open for the passion purchase. Getting that must have pair of shoes, regardless of whether they're practical or not is extremely satisfying. No, don't buy me shoes. I like the high that I get when surrounded by hundreds of pairs of shoes.
Then there's the science of getting the right fit. I don't know 'bout other womyn, but I wear at least 3 different sizes of shoe. Depends on style, height of heel and my mood. Which is ever changing. So chances are my stud will never get it right at the right time with the right pair of shoes. I gotta try them on. Walk around in them and guage what kind of activity those shoes would be right for. I admit, I've actually gotten shoes that I know damn well they are not made for walking or even standing for that matter. But dammit, they look good over her shoulders. Most of the time, I'm buying my shoes for her. For her to see me in. But yet, I don't want her to buy my shoes for me. It just doesn't seem right. So here's just a piece of gift giving advice for the studs out there: get her anything but shoes.
The poll on labels is closed and the results are… well… all over the place. I was sure that I’d get some revelation about how non-femme womyn see themselves. I used ‘non-femme’ cuz I really don’t know what term to use. It’s spread almost evenly across the board between, stud, tomboy, androgyn, with aggressive and dom being a close second. Zero voted butch. Fascinating. I think that’s a cultural thing. I’m sure if white lesbians voted, we’d get mostly butch votes. Eh, another discussion for another time.
I’ve had the conversation about labels many times before. While many want to do away with them, I feel that in general they are needed because, if I don’t call you something, how would you know who or what I’m talking about? We need labels for simple communication. But the labels aren’t affective if we can’t agree on what to use but more importantly, what they mean. Studs are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. Studs run the gamut in terms of style of dress, to attitudes, to roles in relationships and behaviour. So when talking about a stud, you could be talking about the chick in the baggy pants with the thong underneath or the chick next to her in the baggy pants with the strap-on underneath. Big difference. But only one word describes them. It somehow doesn’t seem fair to saddle such a diverse group of womyn with such limiting terms. Whaddaya gonna do? Have 8 million different names to point out every single nuance? Nah, that would be ridiculous and tedious. Who has time to learn all the terminology? The definitions are all based on the individual.
I hear of chicks talking about “real studs”. What the fukk is a real stud?. For all intents and purposes, the concept of the stud isn’t real. I mean, when a child is born, she’s a gyrl or a boy. Period. One doesn’t get older and take stud classes and get a degree to become a ‘real stud’. So to denounce someone as being a stud just cuz they don’t’ behave in the stereotypical way that you made up is just plain silly. I’m sure that person has their own definition of what a stud is. And that definition would be equally as valid and real to them. I also notice that most of the time when someone is speaking of a real stud, they’re referring to a woman who acts the least like a woman. So to be real, you have to erase everything that you really are (a woman). I love irony. There are no rules to how a woman is supposed to behave but there are rules to how a stud (who is still a woman) is supposed to behave. Crazy stuff.
Sounds like a whole lot of pressure to have to live up to or tear down these random tags that are thrown at my dominant sisters. I applaud you all for handling it so well and with such grace. And I pray for the baby studs, little doms, tomboys in training and the label-less who struggle to find their place. Not only in society in general, but in the gay community. Cuz the bottom line, it doesn’t matter what others call you, it’s what you call yourself.
-J-
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